well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
