Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
