the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
