I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
