She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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