You really coming over, don't trick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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