I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
