she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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