is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
