can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
