I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
