The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
