By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
