The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
