And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
