someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
