"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
