walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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