she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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