I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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