You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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