She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
