over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
