He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
