He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He better not be in your backpack
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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