wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
