She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
