Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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