i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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