I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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