At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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