omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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