you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
