Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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