God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
