im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize