I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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