You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
