do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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