I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
