you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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