well I can't set my house on fire every night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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