My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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