I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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