Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
