Kiss
Puke
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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