had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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