Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
