Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
People in love make me want to vomit
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
