I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
