More tranny stories later!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
