If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
