DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I believe in your delicious
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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