yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
