if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
