Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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