Jerry, you need to find god
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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