Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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