You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
