Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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