fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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