we have officially lost it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
