I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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