So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
