They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
