my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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