Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
