I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
