Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
