thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
