I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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