i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
