YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
