my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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