I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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